Just my thoughts for tonight.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Just my thoughts for tonight.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Her new album "21" comes out on Tuesday, and of course I pre-ordered it nearly a month ago. I cannot wait to listen to it nonstop and annoy all my roommates with the same songs on repeat. They're used to it since I always do that with new songs. But this one I'm sure will get to them, since I'm still not tired of her CD that came out two years ago, I'm sure I wont get tired of this one anytime soon.
I love her voice and her lyrics. Recently I've come to appreciate these lyrics in particular:
No worries or cares,
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made,
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?
I'm sure they seem like random lyrics - but in the context of the song they fit quite nicely. And it seems to me as if she knows exactly what is on my mind, and I LOVE singing along to her music. It puts me in the best mood. Needless to say, I'm counting down the days till my I-Tunes tells me my download is ready. :)
Some may think it’s strange, but I always enjoy cleaning – and I think it’s for two reasons. The first reason is that I like it when things are clean because I feel like I can relax when things are clean. The second reason is that it gives me instant results. When you clean, immediately after you finish, things look better. There is an instant gratification. I was humbled by the purity of the temple, and how I was cleaning what was already nearly spotless. There wasn’t the same element as the rest of my cleaning. I wasn’t seeing my results. I wasn’t cleaning to have peace and relaxation (both of which are easy to find in the temple). Rather, I was cleaning for the Lord – to show him that I valued the purity of His house.
It was the perfect time for me to reflect on my life and see where things needed to be adjusted. I realized that I am keeping myself busy to distract myself, but I do not always fill my day with the best things. Over quoted in the church is the talk, Good, Better, Best, and I feel that because of its overuse, I tend to ignore the message. It has become white noise to me. But how often do I search after the best things? And if I did have more time, how would I fill it? I think my answer would not be better or best, but rather just good things that keep me busy.
Cleaning the temple helped me realize that I need to clean up my life too and sift through the business and find a way to focus on my spiritual health and purity. Like in the temple, I need to focus on the small details that may go overlooked by the untrained eye, and I need to clean those things to make my life as clean and pure as the temple is.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Have you ever struggled in finding happiness? How is this overcome? I have been thinking about this a lot this past week and why I'm not happy with my current situation. This semester has been great. I've been having a good time, have great roommates, good classes, great positions on campus and at church, an amazing volleyball team. Really my life is going amazingly well. But just recently (the past week or so) I’ve been feeling as if I could be happier.
The devotional talk was great for me (although I didn’t want to hear what he had to say). He spoke about how the gospel is really the only way to find true happiness. I feel like I am the maker of my own destiny, and to think that I’m not in control of my own happiness (to a certain extent, although I have the choice whether or not to live the gospel) makes me a little frustrated.
I just feel like nobody really understands me at all this semester. I don’t feel like I can truly express myself with anyone. But part of that is the fact that I can’t really communicate my thoughts and feelings to myself. I think that is why I’m so unhappy. I can’t figure out what I am feeling/thinking – and therefore I cannot change it or improve it. Maybe there are others who feel this same way every once in a while, and I feel that I just needed to blog to get my feelings out so that I could move past this and on to grander emotions.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
I keep thinking that I know what I want in life – but every day it seems as if things change and evolve and leave me in the dark. How am I supposed to know what I want when I don’t even understand my life? I know I want to be happy, and I know that I want to see the world and help other people, but sometimes that terrifies me. What if I make a wrong decision and I’m miserable? What if I settle because I don’t think I can do better? Decision making is a seriously hard endeavor. I have so much respect for those who understand what they want in life and go for it. I used to think that I had this unique outlook on life – and that my way was so much more superior to that of my peers, but then I realized that I am completely inadequate in every way to even begin to judge their decisions and life choices. If they know what they want in life and search after that, then they are way ahead of me and I applaud them for their ability to make decisions.
In the meantime, I’m going to figure out what it is that makes me happy and what I truly want in life – and then I’m going to search after it and hopefully, God willing, I will obtain it.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
This picture is from our Service Activities retreat. These are some of the amazing people involved this semester. I have grown so much in my capacity to love others while in my position, but these people make it easy. They all work so hard to help others grow through Christlike service. Really and truly, BYU-Idaho has the best group of people on earth.
This is me from my first FHE of the semester. We drew names and decorated cookies in the likeness of one another. This was the cookies one of my "sisters" created for me. I really love it. Basically she got all the important features of my face all on one little cookie.
This is a picture from a super fun date of homemade pizza and golfing inside buildings on campus. Timber and I decided to make a stuffed crust pizza with the most amazing amounts of cheese and toppings. Needless to say, I loved every bit of it.
Emma, one of the RC 104 girls decorated Ben's birthday cake, and she did amazing. She had never done it before, but really did well using frosting to create Spiderman. I know what you're probably thinking, and yes, my 23-year-old roommate may have the largest Spiderman obsession in all of Rexburg.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Here are some highlights from the past month:
I left Houston. It was sad, and happy and all sorts of mixed emotions. I really made some amazing friends down there. I doubt I would ever live in Houston again, but I am really excited to be able to visit and see all my great friends.
My younger brother Colton flew down in December and we road tripped it back to Oregon. But of course we spent a few days soaking up the sun in the south before heading back up. We went to Galveston, a cowboy bar with my coworkers, we made pupusas and ate barbeque and Bluebell. All things that are Texas to me, I made sure he experienced them.
We drove through San Antonio and experienced the River Walk for the first time, stopped by the Alamo, drove through New Mexico, Arizona, California, spent time on the beach in the rain and we even won the lottery ($20). We drove through a tree, snuggled in bed with Marisa and oh so much more. Basically we had an amazing trip.
Christmas came and went, New Years happened as it does every year, and then another semester started. I cannot believe that I will be graduated in 6 months, but I am slowly preparing for that day. This semester I have the opportunity to work with BYU-Idaho Service Activities and the amazing people that plan and carry out the service projects on campus and in the community of Rexburg. It has been a lot of work, but it really has put me in a position to learn how to be a better leader, how to rely more on the spirit and has helped me grow and come to understand myself better. I am really loving my time with Service Activities.
I am also working with Sister Bergstrom, the dean of the College of Business and Communication on planning the Newel K. Whitney Summit that will happen toward the end of the semester. This is a whole new experience for me, and I am excited with all that we do. We will have 9 speakers come to campus and speak on topics ranging from communication to accounting to CIT. I am part of a 9 student group that will plan the summit and each of us will play host to a speaker. It is a great opportunity for me to learn as well as network with some top dogs in the communication field.
I am also keeping busy with my senior project doing grant writing for some non-profits. I’m listening to some great music like Pomplamoose, Adele, Mumford & Sons, Brandi Carlile, Brett Dennen and My Terrible Friend. Literally, music is so important to me – and these few artists have been so great to me in 2011. I’m also diving into my callings at church (Ward Mission Leader, Ward Temple Coordinator and member of the Ward Service Committee). It is going to be a great semester, I can feel it.
More will come of course. Just wait and see. J